Allez Cuisine!
by BPhantom
Summary: The Straw Hats stumble upon a small island, that apparently Sanji has heard of. PreAlabasta, PostDrum :Iron Chef crossover:
1. Chapter 1

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Oh wow. This is a random idea I got one day, watching Iron Chef. It's weird, quirky, and AMAZING!

Note: Pre-Alabasta, Post-Drum. Just so you know. :-D

ALLEZ-CUISINE!!!!

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Naa, Sanji I'm hungry..."

It was a fairly average day on the Going Merry.

"Shut up and wait like everyone else!"

Luffy was hungry, Sanji was cooking, Zoro was taking a nap, Usopp was telling an enthralled Chopper about the time he took on a Sea King and narrowly escaped alive, and Vivi and Nami were both sunbathing.

"Sanjii Are you sure it isn't done yet? It smells so good"

Sanji poked his head angrily out of the kitchen. "What are you talking about, Luffy?! I'm just chopping up the ingredients!"

"But, the ingredients smell so good! It's making me hungry"

Sanji glared at him. "Go sit at the bow! I'll never finish with lunch if you keep on complaining!"

With a pout, Luffy walked to the front of the ship. His stomach was growling, and he smelled food… he smelled meat… Luffy was hungry.

"Oi! Sanji!"

Sanji felt a vein pop in his head.

"Is lunch almost ready?"

"WHAT DID I JUST FINISH TELLING LUFFY, DUMBASS?! NO! And if you don't leave me alone, it will NEVER be ready!!"

"But Sanji, what's that great smell then?"

"Damned if I know! Go bother somebody else, Usopp!"

Jeez, what was the _problem_ with everybody today? He'd be done when he was done. Was it that hard to understand?

"He-hey! Look! Land!" Luffy cried out excitedly.

Nami sat up. "What? I don't remember…"

"Look! Look! It's so coooool! Let's go there! Naa! Naa!"

Nami was already on her way to the bow. "Usopp. Look at that island over there. What does it look like?"

Usopp turned his head. "Huh? Uh…" He adjusted his goggles, squinting ahead. "Well, it's an island, all right. But it's a small one. Only a few houses, it looks like. And… is that a Coliseum?!"

Nami twitched. Gods of Money save her, there was no way they'd be able to steer around now.

"A COLISEUM?!?! COOOOOOL!!!" Luffy was so excited, he'd forgotten all about being hungry. "They probably use it for battles between the best chefs in the world; whoever makes the most meat wins!"

"LIKE THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN!" Nami and Usopp cried, smacking Luffy in the head.

"Less'gothearr…" Luffy said, swaying and clutching at his head.

Nami sighed. "It'd be a good opportunity to rest, Nami-san." Vivi added.

Nami knew there was no avoiding it; Luffy had made up his mind, Usopp was eager for a change in scenery, and Chopper probably wanted to see if they had any medical books. Besides that, they were running low on supplies, so it was a good opportunity.

"Just don't get lost." She warned. It would be just like them to have to stay for a week because Luffy had gotten himself into trouble. "And Luffy and Zoro can't enter the coliseum without myself or Sanji." In fact, they were the only two who could contain the unlucky streaks of their captain and first mate. Chopper and Vivi were too weak, and nobody listened to Usopp.

"Yosha!!" cried both Luffy and Usopp. "SANJI! Come with me to the Coliseum, okay?!" Luffy called.

"I SWEAR IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP….wait. Coliseum?" Sanji cast a confused glance to Nami. "What is he talking about, Nami-swan?"

Nami merely threw her thumb over her shoulder. She was already regretting the decision to dock here.

Sanji advanced confusedly towards the bow. "Wait… is that an island?"

"Looks like it; there's not supposed to be a military base here."

Nami could see Sanji's eyebrow crease in concentration. "Yeah, Luffy, I'll go with you to the Stadium."

"ALL RIGHT!!!!" Luffy shouted, jumping into the air with a fist.

"Oh… hey, Sanji, I'm coming along too!" Usopp interjected, not wanting to be left out. "I wanna see this coliseum."

"Yeah, me too, me too!" Chopper added excitedly.

"Okay, sure… just don't get in my way."

"Sanji-kun," Nami said slowly, "Why do you want to go to this Stadium?"

"Just curious," He said nonchalantly, but Nami was suspicious. He was the one who called it a Stadium. Almost as if he'd heard of it…

Nami shook this idea off as Luffy, Usopp and Chopper were all dancing excitedly about seeing the 'cool coliseum'. "HEY! No slacking! We need to get ready to dock! Luffy, bring in the sails, Usopp, help him; Chopper, get ready to drop the anchor! We're going to land!"

"Hai!" the crew intoned, quickly setting to work. Sanji turned around to head back into the kitchen. He had to prepare.

"Sanji-kun," Nami interrupted. The cook turned back around, his eyes filled with hearts.

"Yes, Namiswaan?"

"Who said that structure was a stadium?" She asked suspiciously. Sanji seemed a bit too familiar with the island.


	2. Chapter 2

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I am in no way affiliated with Iron Chef. ; I just figured out this isn't classified under a dual-title, so there.

Um, a note on my fanfics: My chapters are SHORT. I have no idea why. Also, I write them in one sitting, as opposed to my usual 2 or 3 for my novels, so they aren't as good. (not that I've finished my novels; I'm just saying). Enjoy it, but it's not going to be a masterpiece. chu

That said, **ALLEZ CUISINE!!!**

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

"…Usopp said-"

"He called it a 'Coliseum'. Sanji, have you ever been to this island?"

"Eh?" Vivi turned her head. "You know where this is, Sanji-san?"

Sanji bit his tongue. _I'm keeping my mouth shut, I'm keeping my mouth shut…I'm keeping my damn mouth shut… _However, even with his eye closed, he couldn't fight the ecstasy from two beautiful women looking at him, and couldn't fight the reaction that followed.

Nami smirked. She could see he didn't want to reveal anything, but she knew from the blush on his face it wouldn't be long, now.

"HAI, Vivi-Chwaan!! You have stumbled on Kaga no Paradaisu The Paradise of cooking!" Why couldn't he help it? He lost all resolve and turned into a noodle around beautiful women. But it was a weakness he'd willingly bear!

"Kaga no…"

"Cooking Paradise…?" Nami finished for Vivi. The two looked at each other. "Then what's that big coliseum for?" Nami asked.

"Ah Nami-san is so lovely! She's so perceptive! The stadium is called Kitchen Stadium, and it's where the best chefs in the world do battle! It's every cook's dream to cook for Chairman Kaga in the great Kitchen Stadium! It's even rumored that the seas around Kaga no Paradaisu is All Blue!!!"

Nami froze. "Then…Sanji-kun…you're going to leave…?"

The tense air made Sanji snap out of noodle mode. "What?"

"Sanji… you couldn't!" Vivi gasped, tears jumping to her eyes immediately as hands flew over her mouth.

"Eh? Couldn't what?" Luffy seemed to pop out of nowhere.

"Luffy-san, tell Sanji he can't leave!"

"Wha? Sanji's leaving?!"

These words caught the attention of everyone onboard as they raced into a circle around Sanji. Even Zoro awoke, though it might have been because Chopper tripped on him in Heavy Point.

"What's the fuss about?" The green-haired swordsman yawned.

"Sanji's leaving!!" Usopp exclaimed, tears gushing down his face.

"IDIOT! I never said that!!!" Sanji fumed, bringing his fist down over Usopp's head.

"But- but- -" Luffy started.

"YOU GUYS! I'm NOT LEAVING, okay?!"

"But Sanji-kun, you said that All Blue…" Nami put forward.

"I said _some_ believe it's here. It's just that Kaga never runs out of ingredients. He's a rich guy; he owns the Iron Chefs, after all."

"Iron Chefs…?" The crew questioned.

"Are they cooks made of Iron…?!?! Coooool!!!!" Luffy exclaimed, stars in his eyes.

"Yes; the great Usopp has heard of these great 'Iron Chefs'. They can thoroughly cook meat by sticking their hands in embers, and knaw the meat as it cooks. …The same is true for bread."

"WHAT?? No WAY! That's so COOOOL!!!" Chopper and Usopp exclaimed, gathering around Usopp.

"They actually believe him…" Nami and Zoro both spoke aloud in unison.

"BAKA!!!" Sanji shouted, kicking them all upside the head. "Let me speak, you bakas."

Nursing their heads, the trio sat down, soon followed by the rest of the crew.

Sanji sighed. "I'm not leaving. No interruptions," He said sharply when Nami opened her mouth. "Honestly; if All Blue was here, do you think it'd be as mysterious as it is? And secondly. The Iron Chefs are called Iron Chefs because they're unbreakable as far as culinary skills are concerned, and they can take the heat of a cooking face-off. That's it. End of discussion; now go back to work!"

"Sanji's not leaving!" It was unclear who brought up the cry first, but Sanji had a guess. Still, he couldn't stop his vein from pulsing. "SHUT UP AND GET BACK TO WORK!" He said, spinning back around. Everyone looked shocked except for Zoro, who was picking his nose.

"You heard him. Work." The swordsman got up to resume his sleeping post when Nami and Usopp smacked him. "THAT MEANS YOU TOO, AHO!!!"

Sanji smirked. He had to get ready; he still had his knives to pack, as well as mentally preparing. He was going to try to squeeze in a battle with the Iron Chefs, after all. He had to be ready for anything.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"YOSHA! Let's see what these so-called 'Iron Chef's are made of!" Usopp cried.

"No one can beat Sanji!" Luffy roared.

"Sanji's the greatest cook in the world!" Chopper sang.

"SHUT UP!! I didn't agree to take you with me so you could brag! You do as I say in Kitchen Stadium!"

"Why, Sanji!?!" Luffy protested.

"'Cause it's a kitchen! It's my turf, not yours! If I were on Merry," He looked at Luffy, "or sick," Chopper, "or wanted to be lied to," "HEY!!" "I'd respect your turf! The kitchen is MY place!"

The trio grumbled, but kept their outbursts to a minimum as they headed towards the Stadium. It was odd; they hadn't seen anyone since landing. Sanji dreaded what must be true: a battle was underway, and he'd missed his chance. They only had battles once in a while, and hardly ever two days in a row. It just wasn't practical. Whenever there were multiple battles day after day, it was either a competition, or a holiday. No exceptions. Sanji's dread increased as the Stadium came into view. Still no one, and he could hear people's voices from inside the Stadium. When they were really close, they had to start fighting the grumbling and angry crowd stomping out of the gates.

"What's going on?" Usopp asked, in Heavy Point because Sanji said he'd need him.

"I don't know…" Sanji murmured. Once they'd pushed their way inside and away from the stream of people, Sanji took a moment to examine a poster.

HARUYAMA KOICHI:

THE SOUTHERN DRAGON

Known for his fiery dishes and creativity, the Southern Dragon has come to take on one of the Iron Chefs.

Will the heat be too much for the Iron Chefs to handle?

Or will the Southern Dragon build his own funeral Pyre?

**WHO'S CUISINE WILL REIGN SUPREME?**

You only know if you come!

Friday June 8

"…"

"Oh wow! Cool! 'Friday'…hey! That's today! Let's go!" Usopp said excitedly, gesturing towards the entrance to the Stadium.

"Don't bother!" A voice behind them shocked the group. They all turned to see a thickly-built dark-haired man standing behind them, a sour look over his face.

"Eh? Why not?" Chopper asked.

"'Cause the Challenger couldn't make it! The match was cancelled. Din'cha notice the crowd _leaving_ the stadium?"

The group nodded, perplexed. Sanji looked back to the sheet, clearly thinking about something. Chopper was about to open his mouth to say something, when he grabbed the flier and took off.

"Oi! Sanji! Where are you going?!" Luffy called. When he didn't receive an answer, Luffy grabbed Usopp's and Chopper's wrists and took off after his chef. "Oooi!!! Sanji!!!" The group stampeded after the blond-haired cook, but soon lost track of him. "Where'd he go?" Luffy asked, scratching his head. Sanji was so weird.

_This is my chance_, Sanji thought, racing down the hallways to where he knew Chairman Koga-sama and his team were probably waiting, disappointed. If he hurried, he could catch them before they left… Maybe, just maybe, under these circumstances, they could make an exception to their invitation-only rule… if Sanji had any luck at all…


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry about the wait. I usually wait for some reviews before writing the next chapter. So, review if you want more!

…Sorry, this chapter sucks. I know it. Criticism and/or suggestions would be lovely.

…I still don't own Iron Chef. sigh

Nevertheless,

**ALLEZ CUISINE!!**

... ...**  
**

"Where's Sanji?" Luffy asked, turning to Usopp and Chopper. "OOOI! SANJII!!" When he wasn't answered, Luffy frowned. "Honestly. Where could he have gone?"

Usopp turned to Chopper. "Oi, Chopper, do you think you could smell him out?"

"…Well, I could try…HEY! I'M NOT SOME KIND OF BLOODHOUND!" Chopper shouted after he caught on

Usopp laughed nervously. "I was just joking! Joking!" It was obvious by the enormous sweatdrop on his forehead that he wasn't.

The trio searched all over the stadium, eventually growing tired and stopping to rest. "This Stadium thing is really big… never woulda thought it…" They said as they sat on the floor, catching their breath.

"There you are! Come on, guys, we gotta go!" Out of nowhere, a familiar blond-haired chef popped up and grabbed the three of them, tugging them away.

"Sanji!!" They all shouted. "…Hey, where're we going?" Usopp asked.

"Look, I'll tell you about it later," Sanji replied, never stopping. "I need assistants, and you three are the only ones nearby, so…"

"Assistants?" Asked Chopper curiously. "For what?"

"A contest!" Sanji said with a grin.

"A contest?!? What kind of contest, Sanji?" Luffy was excited. Dear God of Cooking…

"Just leave it to the Great Usopp, Sanji-kun!" Usopp said, gathering himself up.

"Shut up! I just need you to cart around ingredients!" Sanji shot

"The Great Captain Usopp is a master of carting around ingredients! This one time…" Sanji smacked him before he could start.

"You mean we get to eat?!?!" Luffy said with sparkles in his eyes. Sanji turned to look at his captain and regretted ever taking him inside Kitchen Stadium.

"NO YOU DON'T GET TO EAT! AND IF YOU TAKE ONE BITE OF MY DELICIOUS FOOD I SWEAR I'LL SLAUGHTER YOU!" He threatened loudly. Dear Cooking God, he was going to lose. What kind of idiot was he, to take the insatiable vacuum into Kitchen Stadium?

Soon enough they were tossed in a room to change clothes, each adorning a generic white chef's suit, Chopper switching into Heavy Point for convenience. Sanji left, claiming there were still 'a few more preparations to be made', and left the three of them in boredom.

Everything was ready, though it had taken extensive pleading and reasoning with Kaga-san just to accept him. Sanji swore he'd do his best and not bring shame to the floating restaurant Baratie.

Even after all that, announcements had to be made to all the villagers that yes, there would still be a culinary battle today, but this time the opponent was "Black Leg" Sanji. It was a good thing the men in charge of publicity were sharp, because if they hadn't thought of a good hook Sanji would have never been able to face off against the Iron Chef of his choice.

"Come on guys!" He said as he burst into the changing room. "It's about to begin! You three will walk behind me. Luffy, don't goggle at the food, and none of you stare. Act cool."

As Sanji walked around backstage with his assistants, he wondered what on earth had ever possessed him to think that saying "act cool" to these three would be a good idea. Especially Usopp, and Luffy and Chopper just imitated him like younger brothers.

"You know what? Forget what I said before. Just be calm. Focused. Determined. Not cool, and don't gape!" He wouldn't be made into a fool just because he had fool assistants. "And Luffy…DON'T EAT THE FOOD!!"

Sanji sighed as he exited from backstage as the introductions took place. This was his time, and he'd be damned if any of his idiot crew would ruin it for him.

Nami was more than a little curious as to just what this 'Kitchen Stadium' was, and so set off for it shortly after Sanji left with the three stooges. She'd even dragged Zoro along, albeit under several threats involving money, debt, and interest. They wouldn't be staying any longer than necessary here; they had to get going to the next island soon, and Nami knew if left to his own devices that Zoro would just get lost and slow them all down.

They were sitting in the audience when Sanji walked from the back. He looked really cool in his chef's uniform, striding ahead so confidently. At least, until they saw who was following him.

Nami and Carue were both absolutely thunderstruck. No way… Sanji was going to be bringing Luffy, Chopper and Usopp up with him? They'd been here long enough to discern that their chef would be taking on an Iron Chef, but… there was no way he'd be able to escape the bad luck that those three would inevitably bring into a kitchen. Zoro was actually somewhat amused, and Vivi didn't seem to notice one way or the other.

They didn't have long to think, though, before the lights were cut and Chairman Kaga made his dramatic entrance. Well, this would certainly be an interesting battle…


End file.
